Things That Make Me Happy: Mele Kalikimaka Edition

December 2005, A Hawaiian Christmas Eve

(Morgan and Jonah)

Things That Make Me Confused: Kumon Edition

Kumon, oh Kumon. What is Kumon you ask? For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Kumon world, let me introduce you to the "coolest" way for a kid to learn, and enhance their math and reading skills. Kumon is a learning center based on a method of teaching that was created by some Japanese man who was disheartened by the fact that his son was struggling in school. Apparently Kumon has been around for about fifty years, although I had never heard of it (or seen anything relating to it) until about five years ago, but anyways. They also have bunches of workbooks available, if for some reason your child feels like doing even more work... for fun. I'm not quite sure when the Kumon bug hit (or if it is this popular in other parts of the country), but around where I am from it is all the rage... and thus this is where I start to get confused. In general, as a concept, Kumon makes a lot of sense... and I am pretty sure it probably works too. Kids even get excited to learn, as they are rewarded for every aspect of their progress with stickers, trophies, and prizes. However, around here Kumon is not exactly used to help improve your child's skills, it is really used more as a tool to catapult you into the cool category. If your child is in Kumon you are somehow a parent God, belonging to some strange group of "cool" parents. Parents seem to be jumping on this bandwagon not because their child is having math or reading issues, but because they want their child to be better than their friend's and neighbor's children. Kumon is popular for all the WRONG reasons, and it is like a cult... I kid you not. It starts when you join, and you are immediately welcomed into the club with the above pictured Kumon box (designed to hold all of your daily Kumon work). This box will stay with you for the rest of your Kumon life... or until you reach the much coveted level G (the levels go through the alphabet starting with A, and if you get to G you are on your way to genius-hood) when you will be presented with a blue and silver box so that you can then brag to all your Kumon buddies. As a child in the program you will be forced to do daily pages of work so that you will get the basic ideas of math and reading drilled into your head. You will hate being forced to do extra work on top of your school homework, and in the end you will become resentful of your parents (while I can't prove this I am pretty sure it will happen). The thing is, you will then become so good at your math and reading that you will outsmart all the other non-Kumon kids in your class, and then what is your teacher to do when you are in the 5th grade, but you are on highschool level math. Seriously, our school systems can't be that bad that it would warrant such a big surge in Kumon goers simply because no one is learning how to read and do math. I get it, if you are struggling in these fields, which many are, then Kumon WOULD be a great way to help your child grasp these concepts. But what many need to realize is that by applying to the cultish version of Kumon you are creating a child SO good at their math and reading skills that the child then becomes oddly displaced. The child becomes too advanced to be helped by their teachers (and often times their parents as well) and is so far ahead that they probably aren't getting too much out of their schooling either. Sure, I bet it is pretty exciting to be able to say that you are 10 and doing algebraic expressions, but honestly how much of it are you actually grasping due to the fact that this skill relates to NOTHING in your daily life at home or at school. OK well now that I have gone off on this subject (and could for a lot longer it appears), I seem to have forgotten what my actual point was in blogging about Kumon, so I will simply leave you with an apology... for boring you to death with my ranting (thanks for reading though)! 

Stories That Make Me Laugh: Hawaiian Santa Edition

So there isn't exactly a story that goes with this post... it is really ALL about the picture, but here is a little background information to help set the stage. Three years ago I spent Christmas in Hawaii with the family I was nannying for at the time (the adorable five children I have mentioned in some of my previous posts). Christmas Eve we went to a really nice restaurant for a great dinner, and while we were there eating Santa Claus stopped by for a surprise visit. Morgan, who was about 3 at the time, was totally excited for Christmas. However, she was also very confused and worried as to how Santa would find her in Hawaii, since she wasn't at her real house. Well at dinner that night Morgan took one look at the Hawaiian Santa and FREAKED out. She proceeded to jump under the table and hide for her dear life, all while crying and screaming at the top of her lungs. Of course being the fabulous nanny that I am, I managed to capture this HYSTERICAL moment... so that I could torture her for years to come!

December 2005

Of course once Santa left the room Morgan pretended like the whole thing had never happened... and that her hiding was her being SO excited to see Santa!

Things That Make Me Annoyed: Rolling Backpack Edition

I like rolling suitcases, I also really like backpacks. However, all I have to say is that the person who decided to combine these two ideas has obviously never been around children, which is odd since the target audience of the rolling backpack is children. It seems like a sensible invention... until you add the child that is. For starters, I strongly believe that a backpack should not be three times the size of the child carrying it, and the rolling backpack (no matter who the manufacturer is) is always gigantic. Secondly, I also believe that at least until you get to highschool your backpack should never be so heavy that it requires wheels to transport it from point A to point B. Thirdly, since the majority of the children using these rolling backpacks are under the age of 12, the "drivers" of these bags are sure to be self absorbed and not at all aware of the general public, and the personal space that these individuals need. And lastly, I just don't understand why the inventor of the rolling backpack didn't realize that when the backpack was being rolled that the handle would obviously become a weapon of some sort, like a sword or a bat... thus allowing the child to cause even more chaos with the already annoying backpack. So with all of that said, I warn you to always watch out for the rolling backpack trailing behind a child, because you never know when you will get whacked with it... or get your toes run over. 

Things That Make Me Feel Old: Dentist Edition

I don't consider myself to be old. However, there are sometimes moments in my life that happen when I am forced to reference something from my childhood, thus making it seem as though this was a lifetime ago. This morning was one of those times. 

I was taking the oldest of the three kids that I take care of to the dentist's office for an orthodontist appointment, and as we near the entrance she looks at me shocked and says: "Oh, you knew this is where it was."

Me, thinking that she was amazed by my skills in directions (which I actually completely lack) and impressed that I didn't need her to tell me where the dentist was, replied: "Yup... this is the same place where I used to come to get my teeth cleaned when I was a kid."

Amazed she looked at me and replied: "Oh... this place has been around THAT long!" And then she went into denial over the fact that this is how I knew the way to her dentist. 

I looked at her and said: "What do you mean this place has been around for THAT long? You make it seem like I am ANCIENT!" 

Her response... a devilish smirk and then laughter. Gee thanks... I am NOT that old!

Stories That Make Me Laugh: Turkey Trot Edition

In honor of Thanksgiving I thought I would share a funny memory of this little one below (Cobas). The story doesn't have too much to do with Thanksgiving other then the fact that it took place around this time last year. Cobas was 3 at the time, and we were at his town's annual Turkey Trot (along with his four other siblings). It was freezing out, and far too early in the morning for me to be braving this situation, but what can you do. We bundled up and headed over to the school where the Turkey Trot was being held. I attempted to keep these five super excited (and extremely friendly) children corralled in one general location while I assessed the situation, and got them all registered to run in the Turkey Trot. It was pure chaos everywhere, and the kids kept dashing off on me, or asking me fifty million questions. I simply had my eyes set on the hot chocolate (although I was wishing it was coffee at this point), and the breakfast snacks on the table... all the while wishing this whole event would be over soon. So we are taking it all in, attempting to keep as warm as possible, and waiting our turns. However, something is really bothering Cobas, and he keeps tugging on me. And this is why:

October 2007

Cobas, pulling on my pant leg: "Tia, Tia (his nickname for me)."

Me: "Yes Little One (my nickname for him)." Cobas just stares at me and then stares at the snack table.

Cobas, still pulling on my pant leg: "Tia!" Then he whispers something that none of us can hear, let alone understand. 

Me: "Huh? I can't hear you cutie."

Cobas: "Oh." Then he looks at me with this little innocent smile and whispers something again. Again we can't hear him. 

Me, bending down this time so I am at his level, and can hopefully at least read his lips if he decides to whisper again: "What is it Little One?"

Cobas, as he points to the snack table and smiles: "Tia?"

Me: "Oh! Would you like a snack? Are you hungry?"

Cobas, all excited that I have finally understood what he is talking about: "Yeah!" So the two of us head over to the snack table where Cobas' smile suddenly turns into a look of shear panic. Once again he tugs my pant leg, and then he pulls me down to whisper in my ear. "Tia? Where are they? Will you ask the girl if they are all gone?"

Me, totally clueless as to what he saw on the table before, that apparently is now gone, and causing him panic: "Cobas, what are you looking for?"

Cobas, just looks at me like "Duh, Tia. How could you not know what I am looking for." and then he yells: "THE SHRIMPIES!"

Me, finally discovering what it was he was looking at on the table: "Cobas... those aren't shrimp, they're doughnuts, and there are plenty. Would you like one?"

Cobas, completely let down: "OH... no." And then he walks away from the snack table with no shrimp... and no doughnuts... and all the while I am hysterically laughing.

Yup... I am pretty sure he is the only 3 year old who would mistake doughnuts for shrimp cocktail... and then be terribly sad about his lack of shrimpies!

Things That Make Me Happy: Curtis Stone Edition

Curtis Stone is my boyfriend. HA! OK, well obviously he is not my boyfriend, but a girl can dream. Right? For those of you who are not familiar with the dashing man pictured above, please let me be the first to introduce you to Curtis Stone. He is quite adorable, funny, talks with an Australian accent, and he cooks. He is also the host of TLC's show Take Home Chef. About two years ago TLC added this great show to their daily afternoon lineup, and at the time I was nannying for a family with 5 kids. Needless to say life taking care of 5 kids is quite chaotic, so Curtis always added a nice little perk to the dinner making hour. Around this time I had quietly, and successfully, converted all five of these adorable children into little TLC (my favorite channel) followers. It was also around this time that the second youngest (Morgan, who was about 4 at the time) had decided that she had about four boyfriends. Day after day we would have to hear about all of her many boyfriends. There was the older boy who lived down the street, the little boy from her preschool class, Harry Potter, and then last but not least (and our personal favorite) Vin Diesel. So after having to hear about one of these boyfriends practically every time she opened her mouth (and she is a talker) I had had enough. I decided I was going to poke fun of her a little, and thus that is how Curtis Stone became my boyfriend. I loudly announced while making them dinner one day, and watching Take Home Chef, that Curtis Stone would now be my new boyfriend. All five off them laughed at me, with the older three getting even more of a chuckle because they knew I had said it as a way of playing around with Morgan. So all of us (me, and the five kids) kept this running joke going on for quite some time, and one day we had the following little "moment".

I was down in their kitchen, being a fabulous multi-tasker while making them dinner. I was helping the second oldest (Maiah) with her homework, emptying the dishwasher, and doing the laundry, all while drooling over Curtis Stone on the TV. Maiah happened to glance up and notice the TV: "Hey Vic, it's your boyfriend!" I nod, and smile, and say: "I know!" I then run upstairs to quickly switch over the laundry. As I am getting to the top of the stairs I hear the oldest (Madison) call from her bedroom on the next floor up: "Victoria! Your boyfriend is on!" I reply: "I know. Thank you. Maiah and I were watching it in the kitchen." Then I remember that Madison is supposed to be cleaning her room, so I quickly get on her on how she shouldn't be watching TV and she should be cleaning her room instead. Blah, blah, blah. So I turn the corner to get to the laundry room and find the middle child (Jonah) watching TV in the room across the hall. He nods hello and says to me: "Batoria your boyfriend is on!" Once again I reply: "I know, thank you!" I go into the laundry room only to hear Morgan screaming my name throughout the house. I come out of the room thinking, oh dear what now. I see the littlest (Cobas) has decided to join Jonah in front of the TV. Cobas looks at me and smiles, then says: "Tia (his nickname for me) boyfriend!" I giggle and go to hunt down Morgan. I find her and ask her what is wrong and why is she screaming my name at the top of her lungs. She replies: "Oh... I just wanted to let you know that your boyfriend is on TV!" Oh geez! So even though Curtis Stone is not really my boyfriend he is sure more then welcome to pick me up at the grocery store and come home to cook for me... anytime he wants!

Things That Make Me Annoyed: Lunchbox Edition

Don't get me wrong, I actually really do like lunchboxes. They are usually very cute, and serve an important purpose. However, when taking care of children the lunchbox takes on a whole new life of its own. You no longer think of the lunchbox as a cute accessory to a backpack that safely carries a lunch from point A to point B, but instead it becomes this annoying box that many times turns into a biohazard zone. What should be a simple task of packing or unpacking one's lunch somehow always turns into the biggest battle ever, many times ending in fights or even tears. The first half of the lunchbox disaster always starts like this:

Me: "(Insert child's name here) did you pack your lunch yet?"

Child: "No, I am going to do that right now."

Ten minutes later, Me: "OK, is your lunch ready yet?"

After standing staring into the cabinet for ten minutes and not moving, Child: "No... I don't know what to pack, there is nothing that I want." I then proceed to rattle of a list of whatever there is to eat in the house.

Child: "OK, fine. I guess I will have (insert whatever food they have chosen, begrudgingly I might add)."

Ten minutes later, Me: "OK, are you done now?"

Child: "No, I still need to find a snack."

Me: "AHHHHHHH... OK fine, well hurry up!" Ten more minutes and the lunch is finally packed, then I proceed to go on for another five minutes reminding said child to get their lunchbox into their backpack. It wouldn't be soooooo bad if I only had to do this for one child, but the above scenario must be repeated for each child in the family, which in this case is three. The second half of the lunchbox battle goes like this:

Me: "(Insert child's name here), please empty your lunchbox and put it away."

Child: "OK."

Ten minutes later, Me: "Did you put your lunchbox away?"

Child: "No, not yet."

Me: "OK, please do that now."

Child: "OK."

Ten minutes later, Me: "Did you put your lunchbox away yet?"

Child: "No, I am doing my homework now. I will put it away when I am done."

Me: "Fine, please put it away."

Ten minutes later... I have moved into another room. Said child finishes their homework and comes to join me. Once again, Me: "Did you empty your lunchbox and put it away?"

Child: "Yup!"

Me: "Great!" I then head into the kitchen to do something else where I find either one of two scenarios. One is that the lunchbox has in fact been emptied, but is still sitting on the counter, and not in the cabinet where it belongs. Two is that the lunchbox is still sitting there, completely full of their lunch. So in the end, after pestering three children to empty their lunchboxes for about an hour, I get stuck emptying the stupid things and putting them away. If I am really lucky I will be sure to find some disgusting rotting piece of ancient food that they have left behind as a present for me! Sometimes something great happens though... they buy their lunch at school!

Stories That Make Me Laugh: Idea Edition

Getting a new idea is always exciting. You suddenly have this rush of energy to see your new dream and thought come to fruition. However, when I get a new idea, or hear someone say the words "I've got an idea" I am always reminded of this little cutie below

March 1997

My friend (who shall remain nameless due to the fact that he is now 13 and would be oh so embarrassed if he knew I was sharing this story) was, and still is, a doer and a thinker. I started taking care of him when I was only 15 and he was 3 months old... we have a close bond, and he is pretty much like a brother to me since we sort of grew up together. I swear he was born talking (OK well not really, but he did honestly start talking really early, and not just baby babble, he was quite the intelligent little sentence maker). We would spend our days talking for hours, discussing the way the world worked (sure, a sort of odd thing to be doing with a 1 year old, but like I said he was very smart), and playing. One of his favorite things to do though was to come up with new ideas, and you could always see the wheels turning in his head with each new discovery. We would be sitting playing and all of a sudden his big blue eyes would start to twinkle and he would just look at me with this cute little smirk. Then he would point his little chubby index finger in the sky and say to me "Tu-Ta (his nickname for me) I got idea!". He would then proceed to tell me, in detail, exactly whatever his idea was. It could be something as simple as "let's play with the blocks" to something more complex like "but if we stack all the blocks on top of each other they might get too high, and then they will fall down, and we will have to start all over again". Even to this day he still gets that same smirk and twinkle in his eye when he gets really excited about something, and sure enough the words "I've got an idea" are usually not too far behind. Back in the day I never knew what was going to come out of his mouth after he uttered those words "Tu-Ta I got idea!". Whatever it was though it always made me laugh... and to this day whenever someone mentions that they have an idea I always, always, think of my little friend and smile.